I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
