last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Barsexuality is the new black.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
