If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
