I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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