its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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