they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
