I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
