My nipple is on Facebook.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
