ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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