Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
