I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
