omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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