Small penises have feelings too.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
