took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
