I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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