ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
