yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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