There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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