I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
