I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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