Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
