Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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