A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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