Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
