You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
