then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
