I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i've created a new STD.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
