i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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