genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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