Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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