he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
