I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
