____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
