I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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