We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
