Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
