Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
