Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
