we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
