so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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