I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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