I seem to have left my pride at pride
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
