She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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