All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If I die, sorry about rent.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
