Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
