She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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