i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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