just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
