I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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