So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Farmville is her only friend.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
