So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
