What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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