Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
